


A pinch of salt.

by shaardom



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Multi, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-20 02:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7386298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaardom/pseuds/shaardom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Gansey experiences rejection and Ronan learns to clean up his own mess while Blue just wanted to make a pie. (A study of pride.)</p><p>“If you look elsewhere while talking, Lynch, your words will lose their value.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	A pinch of salt.

**Author's Note:**

> It started with Blue making a pie, then got emotional. I start writing before knowing about how protective the fandom was of Adam Parrish. Then I chose to post it anyway because I feel like the story is good. (I hope you will share my opinion.) But seriously, read until the end before jumping to the comment section to unleash your wrath.

"Flour please."

"Under your feet, dear."

Blue shook her head, attempting to hide her amusement at the lame wordsplay. She went to fetch the previously named item, punching Ronan's bare shoulder on her way.

"I should've thrown you out of the kitchen, you're not helpful at all."

Ronan raised a brow. That was offensive.

"What are you even doing ?"

"A pie."

For Persephone, she mentally added. Her own pie would certainly be a shame compared to the original recipe, but she couldn't stop reminiscing about her dead aunt. She had to make that pie. Today. At nearly eight AM. The amount of required ingredients impressed Ronan. He stuck around just in case Blue would set the kitchen on fire, which was very unlikely to happen. In fact, he stayed to avoid leaving Blue alone with sad memories. But he had the reputation of an asshole to keep up with as well, you know ?

Blue heard him cough. She stopped mixing ingredients to eye him with concern. It turns out he had mistaken one of Gansey's 'bio' drinks for a normal one. Blue had tasted it once. Her thought on the product was that nothing but the price made it special.

"I can't believe Gansey really drinks this shit," Ronan said while hiding the bottle back in the fridge.

"That's harsh."

"You mean 'that's _trash_ ', don't you ?"

Blue rolled her eyes. She was not used to Ronan joking around. The change was nice. Adam appeared at the door, his eyelids still weighed down by the usual morning tiredness.

"Hey. Did I miss somethin' ?"

Blue greet him, then shook her head.

"Think you're awake enough to help me ?"

"Yeah, sure. Let me just..."

His sentence trailed off as he went to open the window. A welcomed summer breeze immediately filled the room. As he stretched, the freckles on his torso briefly turned frow darker stars to living galaxies. Blue caught Ronan's stare. Adam did not.

"What do you need help for ?"

He only noticed now that both her and Ronan were wearing nothing but their underwear. White bra and assorted panties for her, and an outrageous patterned boxer for Ronan. He himself was half-naked, wearing a pair of grey, loose shorts. They almost made an assorted trio.

He ran a hand through his hair, reminding himself not to look below their shoulders. Maybe he will go as far as peeking at Ronan's collarbones.

"Pie-making", Blue replied. "I would have asked Ronan, but he's in a special mood today. Not suitable for this kind of activity."

Adam shrugged. She shot Ronan a teasing glance. A short, silent conversation then happened, which lasted less than a second. Blue broke the eye contact to look at Adam, who gave up on figuring out what mood did she refer to and what was the content of their wordless talk.

"You'll have to wash your hands though."

No one could tell that something happened by solely basing themselves on the tone of her voice. Adam messed with his hair for the last time before getting closer from the sink. He suppressed a shiver when Ronan purposely grazed his side as he walked past him. The cold water helped him with keeping his mind clear.

"What should I do ?" he asked Blue, attempting to keep his voice even.

"Chop the apples, please ?"

Blue unwillingly used an imperative question mark, which she got used to listening to because of of her mother, Maura. When she realised, she thought that it was always better than ordering him around. Even though the outcome was the same : he did what she told him to.

"Got it."

Ronan quietly pulled the knife on the counter, behind his back. Adam searched for half a minute before Blue told him where it was, failing miserably at hiding her amusement. Ronan and her made eye contact once more and Blue shrugged proudfully. She enjoyed the dynamic going on between Adam, Ronan and her. At least, the process of pie-making will not be as religious as Persephone's memories made it seem and she will not dwell on the past. Doing something a dead person was known for is a risky activity in which one should not engage alone.

She'd indeed rather watch Adam attempting to reach for the knife behind Ronan's back without touching the said person than mourn over a pie. Ronan ended up guiding Adam's hand, then waited for him to wrap his fingers around the knife-handle before giving them a firm, yet gentle squeeze.

Adam felt his face reddening. His tan skin didn't display half of the embarrassment he felt. Ronan is fooling around, he thought. That's what he does when he's not in trouble. That's what gets him in trouble.

"Just slice them," Blue said. "And make sure you peeled them well. Ronan, it's not too late if you want to help."

Adam blinked few times before realising she was still giving instructions about the apples. She had a hard time remaining serious after hearing Ronan snort. That wasn't something she heard often since meeting them. Ronan was not one to laugh much. He had good reasons, sadly. But when he did, the world felt like it belonged to the people surrounding him at this blessed moment.

"I'm fine, thank you."

If he touched any of the ingredients, most of them will not end up where they were supposed to. And that involves a lot of cleaning.

"How come you're both up so early ?" Adam finally asked.

His accent faded as he fully woke.

"That happens sometimes," Ronan said. "When the stars align. I'll sleep through the rest of the day to make up for it."

"You better not," Blue said. "I bet you have things to do anyway."

"Depends on what do you call 'things'..."

His gaze wandered towards Adam again. The said person focused on peeling the apples without harming himself in the process. He had some experience with precise tasks. Once again, Blue caught Ronan staring at his colorful skin and nervous muscles. This time, Adam felt it. He didn't want to turn his head because if their eyes met, then Ronan will look away. And it wasn't often that people stared like he was worth it.

"Ronan."

He tilted his head to the side, giving Blue an obviously annoyed look. _– Can't you see I'm busy ? – I couldn't care less._

"What ?"

"My bra strap is falling."

She had lifted one of her shoulders a bit higher as the childish laces barely held onto it. Of course, Adam's hands were busy, so she couldn't ask him instead. Ronan sighed, then pushed himself away from the counter.

"Damn it."

He pulled the rebellious strap back at it's place.

"Since you're here," she added, "dice the butter."

She didn't bothered with imperative question marks this time, as he wouldn't bother picking up the subtility of this way not to hurt one's feeling by ordering them around. Adam had a hard time guessing what these two were up to. He washed the knife after completing his task, which earnt him a doubtful look from Ronan.

"That's what dishwashers are for, Parrish."

"You don't use a dishwasher for a single knife, Lynch."

He emphasized Ronan's first name for seemingly no reason at all. Adam felt like Ronan made a point in adding distance while he longed for intimacy. Back to the dishwasher, in his case, it wasn't used at all. The look on Ronan's features made it seem as he used to launch washing cycles for no valuable reason and just learnt something incredible. Both Blue and him sighed.

"Damn wealthy kids."

He poured himself some orange juice. As he turned around to replace the bottle in the fridge, his glass was gone.

"Fuck you, Ronan."

The said person hummed merrily as he poured himself another glass.

"What makes you think you'd top, I wonder ?"

Adam expected to hear pretty much everything but that. His jaw dropped open. That was a lot to handle before ten in the morning. Blue didn't expect this answer either. She giggled, even though she did not meant to embarrass Adam. Her cheeks took a saturated shade of pink as she suppressed her laughter. Come on, that was funny.

"I... damn it", he muttered after realising that there was juice dripping on the counter's neat surface.

He stopped pouring then searched for the towel. His luck, Ronan held it since he had to dry the knife to complete his own task.

"Can I have the towel ? Please ?"

Ronan threw it towards him then walked back next to Blue and they had another cheerful, wordless talk.

Dicing the butter wasn't the most complex task Ronan ever performed. In fact, it was a matter of seconds.

"My bra strap", Blue whispered.

"Damn it maggot, you should tighten it or something."

She blew some flour on his cheek. Her hands were too dirty for her to touch anything else than the ingredients and he was aware of it. He looked away to sneeze, then pulled it on the right place again. Blue turned her head just in time to witness Gansey's shock as he appeared, fully dressed. Ronan and her went for another round of laughter, although they couldn't tell whether it was because of Adam choking on his juice or Gansey's astonishment. Which could be a result of either their scandalous outfits or her and Ronan's closeness. Maybe he even saw him helping out with the problematic strap ?

A familiar crease appeared between Gansey's brows, as if he tried to solve a brand new equation which wasn't expected in the first place. The more he tried to work things out, the less they appeared willing to make sense. Adam looked quite embarrassed, mostly on Ronan's behalf. Gansey knew for a fact that Ronan was only interested by Adam. His relationship with Blue was not something to worry about. Aside from that, the kitchen was a bit messy. 

Adam mumbled something. Blue told him that she still needed help — what for ? Gansey realised too late that he had been intensively staring, making the situation worse. This lack of clothing did surprised him. Today was a hot day indeed but the temperature inside was fine. He looked away. His gaze was caught by Blue's bare legs and that was it. He couldn't take his eyes off her. He felt a sudden rush jealousy aimed at Ronan. They shouldn't be that close. It was wickedly unfair.

"Gansey, you're such a virgin."

"Godness, Ronan," Blue whispered.

Not the best way to break the ice. But he wouldn't be Ronan if he didn't remind people of an elephant in a china shop on a daily basis. Plus, it worked. Kind of. 

"It's nice to see you too, Ronan."

Gansey remained desperately polite as his irrational anger ate the best out of him. Blue. She surprised him the most. It was stupid, because there's no difference between a boy hanging around in underwear and a girl doing so. He couldn't think properly. Adam did a great job at making himself invisible. Noah would be proud, or jealous. Maybe both.

"Gansey," Blue called.

Just once was enough to wake him up once and for all. The warning in her voice couldn'g be ignored, even if he wanted to. Whatever mood was there earlier, he was close from ruining it.

He didn't apologize, even if he probably should. In his opinion, he did nothing wrong. Aside, maybe, from giving in prejudices. But he overcame them in the end, didn't he ?

"Yes."

He went to the fridge and drank from the bottle of uncommon juice which made Ronan cringe earlier. He did not understand what made Adam so ashamed when he was around. Either way, he felt like he didn't belong with them, not now for the least. Blue kept ordering the other two around, mixing what seemed to be a large bowl of dough. His awfully bright polo didn't fit. Neiter his perfect hair nor his clean hands did. He was definitely out of the place today. Such a disturbing feeling, which he was not used to.

"We're baking pie, in case you're wondering", Blue said.

"We're attempting to," Ronan corrected. He pulled Adam by his waist as he walked past him. "And I'm not helping."

Blue laughed. It was accurate. Adam crossed his arms on his chest, as if trying to hide from Gansey's gaze. He usually felt bad in his Aglionby sweater, but at least it made him look a bit more like them. It was worse now. Everything seemed to remind him of their differences. Gansey's pale, unmarked skin. The muscles which his polo stressed perfectly, which weren't there because of any other reason than gym. The fading bruises on his own skin. Hopefully, Ronan and Blue where there today to prove him that none of it mattered. The former took advantage of their position to leave a reassuring kiss on his shoulder. 

"Ronan, your pet crow is noisy. That was what I came to say."

"Chainsaw", Ronan corrected. "I checked, it's not time to feed it yet. Living beings are noisy. It's when they're quiet that you should worry."

Gansey felt like this sentence had two or three meanings at least. He had no clue about what went awry, but something definitely did. And he could not help but think that it could have gone otherwise, which was unnerving since he was not used to messing up either. He hoped it was still possible to help it, like the mess this kitchen was turning into.

He blinked, finally noticing the flour on Ronan's face. He hated how protective of Adam his gestures were. He was not a wild beast to be feared. Blue had stopped baking, mostly because she had to use the mixer and that it would be noisier than Chainsaw. She impatiently tapped her fingers against the marble-ish surface. This corseted version of Gansey wasn't her favorite.

He wasn't blind enough not to notice her rising annoyance. Even Blue ? This one felt like a betrayal.

"Anyway. Good luck with your pie, Jane."

His last glance was for Adam. The boy who kept re-asserting his status of an independant human being. _What have I ever done to you ?_ Gansey's eyes asked. No answer was given. He suppressed an annoyed sigh. Adam's standards about offensive behavior were odd. They definitely were, yet no one shared his opinion.

He replaced the bottle in the fridge then left the room. The tensed atmosphere followed him. Seems like he'll carry this burden too, alone. His heart and lungs made countless knots in his chest. The same unpleasant feeling, which he still couldn't name. It was the morning of discoveries. As much as he seeks knowledge, he would have preferred not to have known about any of this, ever.

"Adam ?" Blue asked as soon as Gansey disappeared. "He probably didn't meant half of what he did, you know."

Aside from Adam's insecurities, which she had barely witnessed before, she had feared that Gansey's intervention would make Ronan shut himself in again. Surprisingly enough, it hadn't been the case.

"You're starting to know him well," Ronan nodded. "He is incredibly naive at times."

Giving it a second thought, both sides didn't handled the situation well. It was unfair from them to let Gansey go that easily.

"Boys, it's going to get noisy," Blue warned.

Ronan and her exchanged few more quiet words before her to start mixing things. Adam had closed his eyes in the meantime, trying to find that mood he was in before Gansey's arrival. He shuddered as Ronan whispered in his ear, something in Gaelic, but his tone made sure no translation was required. Ronan finally released him after planting a chaste kiss on his cheek. Maybe he yelped in surprise. Maybe not. He did not hear himself because of Blue's machine. She turned it off after half a minute.

"Adam, flatten that please," she said, pointing at the bowl of rough crust. "Ronan, you get the plastic wrap ready."

"Yes sir", he mockingly replied before going on duty.

Working on something helped Adam at slipping back in his previous mood. A bit flustered. Mostly amused. Few minutes later, the crust was resting in the fridge and the three of them were working on breakfast. The clothing part will come later on. Gansey heard them laughing from his office. Chainsaw was quiet. He still did not knew what to think about this. It certainly was not something to make him doubt of their bond. There were days like this. It was not supposed to be unexpected or worrisome.

Footsteps were heard near his door and Chainsaw started cackling again. Ronan must have decided it was about time to feed it. He closed his handwritten journal after noticing that instead of reading, he paid attention to Ronan's moves and tried to imagine him walking around to take care of his dreamt raven. He lost the track after a moment of silence. Did Ronan hurried back downstairs already ?

"Gansey ?"

The voice startled him. He did not want to open the door. Yet he felt himself standing up. 

"Who is it ?"

Pointless question, since he could recognize their voices easily, even in a crowded place. It gave him some time to build a stronger composure.

"It's me, Ronan."

He sighed quietly, not to be heard.

"I'm busy."

Which was a lie indeed. Ronan sounded like he was aware of it.

"I do not care."

"Are you dressed properly, at least ?"

"Yes."

"From my point of view ?" Gansey added.

"I am not talking to a fucking door, Gansey. Open up."

Gansey reluctantly unlocked the door and pulled it towards him. Ronan did dress. He appreciated the effort.

"Is there anything I can do ?"

"First of all, quit being formal. I feel like Declan is standing in front of me, which not a good thing for you."

"I'm trying to act civil, Ronan. And so should you."

Ronan rolled his eyes.

"You'll get hurt and will be the only one to blame. Anyway— we're eating breakfast."

Gansey knew that Ronan will not harm him, hence why he did not mind the threat. He stepped back in his room, ready to close the door.

"I'm not hungry."

"I was being _civil_ , Gansey, either you walk or I drag you there."

He was dead serious. Gansey knew better than testing his will to put his words into action.

"You learn fast."

He walked past Ronan and closed the door behind him, not missing Ronan's satisfied smirk. Maybe that at some point, Gansey will waste twenty seconds to explain him that being civil included taking 'no' as an answer. And being a bit smoother.

Actually, that was a politician thing. Ronan did not need that.

Once they got in the dining room, Ronan walked over Blue to lend her one of his shirts. Gansey hadn't noticed he was holding something when they talked. It was large enough to cover a small part of her legs when she sat.

"Adam."

Gansey whispered, trying to catch his attention. Meanwhile, Ronan and Blue were enjoying themselves, like they did since few hours now. He felt quite hopeless as Adam decided to ignore him. Their friendship was complicated to deal with. He usually did not bother that much, things always ended up fixing themselves up. But the natural process took much more time.

"Adam, I never meant to..."

"I know."

Adam sounded tired, as if he had heard this countless times. He most likely did. Gansey and Ronan were both elephants, each breaking a different type of china. Gansey, for instance, tends to break most expensive one. He had stopped counting times when he unwillingly hurt one's feelings.

"Where is Noah ?" Blue asked.

"Most likely in his room," Ronan said. "He doesn't need to... you know."

Blue had momentarily forgotten that he was a ghost. She gave Gansey the plate of eggs. Asked someone for the butter. And it went on, until they were done eating.

"The crust should be fine now," Blue announced. Let's do the dishes, then we will finish baking it. That's the funniest part," she added.

After the dishes were done — Blue didn't want to use the dishwasher although it wouldn't have been a problem — Gansey got ready to leave. He thought the message from earlier had been clear. He didn't expect anyone to tell him to stay, let alone Ronan.

"Where are you going ? Glendower can wait."

Gansey flinched. The memory of his quest brought various feelings. He sat down and watched Blue's pie-making. It was a mundane process but the pie itself wasn't the most interesting. He eventually understood a bit of the dynamic going on between Blue, Adam and Ronan. He wanted to be a part of it too.

"I hope we all agree on saying that this polo is the most offensive thing around," Ronan suddenly announced, pointing at him. "Which is an achievement, given my presence in the same room."

They laughed. Blue and him were in charge today. They made a strange tandem. Ronan looked different. There were no shadows clouding his gaze. No alcohol in his blood. It was a special day, although Gansey wished it wasn't. They should be happy on a daily basis.

"I have to go," Adam announced.

"Where to ?" Blue asked.

"Work."

He didn't said which one. The darkness in Ronan's eyes returned. Adam washed his hands and waved them goodbye. Then off he went.

"I wish he wouldn't be so keen on accepting money."

Ronan spoke Gansey's mind as well.

"I understand his point," Blue slowly told them. "I would do the same thing."

After all, she rejected Gansey when he literally offered her money for sitting with Adam. Until now, he still genuinely couldn't figure out what had been wrong with that. She was at work, the least he could do was make up for the time she'll waste. Maybe Adam was not the only one with odd standards.

"Losers."

"Talking to yourself again ?" Blue retorted.

"I hit girls too, Sargent."

He felt Gansey slightly tensing up and glanced at him.

"As you may have figured out— that goes for you too, Gansey."

Blue laughed. Gansey pretended to take offense. He somehow felt as if he had taken Adam's place, except that he didn't knew what did it imply. A lot of teasing, for now. It was still saddening that it didn't work when Adam was still here.

"That wasn't funny, I hope you're at least proud of yourself."

"Pride is ridiculous. It's never at the right place, at the right moment."

Gansey knew he referred about Adam. The thought of him, working in the burning heat when they were merely fooling around made his heart ache. Adam could have everything he will think of, but he didn't want it the easy way and this unexplainable decision made everything more complicated.

"He'll come back, right ?"

Ronan shrugged. He had no idea.

"He's either working or studying. It would make sense if he went straight to St Agnes after that."

"We should definitely get him a cellphone someday," Gansey decided.

Blue shut the oven's door, then sat in front of him.

"He won't like that."

"I know."

Adam would not like anything coming from them yet he would take Aglionby's scolarship. Gansey could not figure out the logic behind his behavior. He focused on Blue's features again. Seeing her in Ronan's shirt made him feel weird. Wasn't sharing clothes a proof of intimacy ?

"Let's bother Noah if he's around."

Ronan walked away, expecting them to follow. Blue jumped down from her chair and disappeared behind him after inviting Gansey to come along.

"Noah ?"

Ronan is too loud, Gansey thought. The door of Noah's room was closed. Ronan knocked few times against the old wood. It creaked open and they caught a glimpse of his ethereal silhouette.

"Hey. What's going on ?"

"Just hanging out. I thought you'd like to join."

"Sure."

He slipped out of his room, looking as real as them.

"You had an eventful morning, didn't you ? I heard most of it."

Ronan laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"You could have joined us earlier then."

He carried Noah around as if he didn't weigh more than Chainsaw and started spinning around. Both were shouting random things at each other. It obviously made sense to them. 

"Didn't knew Ronan could be so childish," Blue noticed with amusement.

It was a blessing in disguise, in her opinion. Noah did not had anything left but their friendship. And without Adam around, Ronan's behavior was even more unpredictable.

"You should have been there the day he threw Noah out the window."

Gansey sighed. Good thing Noah was already dead, in some ways. They were both dizzy now, and the only possible ending was on the expensive tiles.

"Man, you're going to..." Noah started.

They collapsed on the floor and Gansey feared either of them would have gotten hurt. Noah had teary eyes, but that had more to do with his unstoppable laughter. Blue hurriedly knelt next to them.

"Are you alright ?"

Noah stopped laughing to look at Ronan. He returned their gazes.

"I'm fine. Noah ?"

He nodded. Gansey helped him on his feet— he really did not weigh much. Ronan was the last one to stand.

"If that can reassure you, Blue, he was already dead when I threw him."

These things seem to happen often when it was only Ronan and Noah.

"Gansey, are you alright ?" Noah asked. "You're... a bit pale."

Gansey did not thought his mental state could affect his body in such a short span of time.

"I'm fine."

"Still being civil ?" Ronan casually asked.

"Stop it, please."

Gansey clenched his fists, then opened them. Ronan spent most of his time winding people up. Whether they were his family, teachers... of friends.

"I advise you not to pick up fights you are certain to lose," Ronan said, noticing his briefly clenched fists.

"What are you afraid of, since it'll be an easy win ?"

"Gansey," Blue snapped. "Quit it."

He didn't listen. Ronan knew better than ignoring her.

"You're fighting with an empty room," he said. "That's not like you. What's wrong ?"

Gansey sighed. Even Ronan noticed that something was off.

"My apologizes. I..."

He watched Ronan approaching him. This sentence will not end properly. It started this morning, with Blue's bra and Adam's quiet rejection. He did not knew how to put it into words without sounding ridiculous.

"I guess Adam's behavior is working on me."

Noah was curious. He wished he had witnessed the morning's events instead of merely listening.

"So ? He rejected everyone here except Noah because he never bothered trying to offer him something and Blue because..."

Because he loved her, at some point. Ronan shrugged. They understood his point. Gansey sat on the couch. Having that talk while standing up will be tiring.

"He doesn't have to feel weak or endangered when I'm around. It feels like I did something to him, I have no idea what and I have to guess without having any clue."

Blue sat next to him. She heard something close from despair in his voice. Cracks appeared in his perfect self. It wasn't the first time she saw them. They didn't appear often. She wouldn't say they made him more authentic. He was like another person, hiding a longing she feared she would drown in if she ever hovered too close.

"Glendower was a clueless quest as well," Noah noticed.

"I know."

Ronan sat next to him, and Noah went next to Blue, leaving them both close from each other. Here they were, trying to figure out the puzzle of Adam Parrish's mind.

"He'd rather die than accept our money."

Ronan had allowed it to grow on him, to a certain extent.

"We're supposed to be friends."

Gansey took a deep breath. He didn't want his voice to break. Maybe he wasn't as logical as Adam when it came to thinking, but he definitely wasn't that emotional on a daily basis. It must have been too much.

"That's probably why we're supposed to let him be and live according to his own wishes," Noah quietly said.

Ronan and Gansey turned to look at him, one with disbelief, the other with annoyance. Blue looked like she agreed.

"Either way," Ronan summed up. "That sucks."

Blue noticed something in Ronan and Gansey's behavior which hinted that they used to have this kind of talks. She didn't dwell on it. Sometimes, being a tad bit psychic could give her informations which she had nothing to do with. She rested her head on Gansey's shoulder. That was far from being enough. It was also as much as they could get.

"I wish he'd come back tonight," Noah said. "You need to talk."

"I feel like it won't change anything," Ronan said.

Gansey felt something in his throat which prevented him to speak. He narrowed his eyes, scolding himself for allowing his emotions to take over that easily.

"Gansey, it's alright," Noah said. "Everyone here feels concerned by his well-being. And it indeed feels upsetting that he keeps rejecting our offers to help."

Blue reached for his shoulder.

"It's quite embarrassing," Gansey finally said. "I guess Ronan was right, earlier."

"Godness, I didn't mean it. We all call each other names."

Noah laughed.

"He was right though, wasn't he ?"

Gansey sighed.

"I suggest Ronan throws you from a window once again."

"Either of us could kiss you and change that."

"My offer is still up."

"So is mine."

Sassy, Blue thought. She was cursed. It would only made sense that Gansey was kissed anyway. And she would rather prefer Noah to do it than any other girl.

So much for the selflessness.

"I'll stick to Adam, thank you," Ronan said.

Gansey cracked a smile. They were his friends. Adam was a friend too. They were all independent, or at least, supposed to be. He just couldn't help nurturing them. Ronan deeply needed someone to keep him on the right track, though.

"Adam wouldn't know anyway," Noah teased. "You know what they say, as silent as a grave."

Blue knew he was making a great effort to joke about his own death. A  
It seem to be fine as long as no one forced it upon him.

"That does not guarantee anything about the grave's content," Ronan retorted. "You wouldn't like to witness the mess it will make, if I kissed Gansey and Adam heard about it. And I have an great knowledge about 'mess'."

Gansey nodded to emphasize Ronan's point. Noah had never been serious about this anyway.

"It won't be pretty indeed."

"Fine." Noah made a grand, dramatic gesture to close the topic. "Now, can someone finally explain me what happened ?"

"To sum up, Blue and I woke up early. Then Adam joined. And Gansey arrived a bit later," Ronan said.

"He forgot to say that Adam, he and I were in underwear," Blue clarified. "And Gansey was, uh— a bit surprised."

"Then Adam left, reminding us of a reality where people actually have to work for a living," Ronan added as a conclusion.

Gansey laughed. He felt Ronan suddenly tensing up at his side and Blue gently wiping his tears before they reached his cheeks. How come ? He didn't even felt them.

"It really worked on you." Ronan was astonished. "I didn't think it was half that bad."

"Blue, kiss me."

She looked up at him. He saw her prettily confused features through his veil of tears.

"I can't."

"Wrong. You do not want to."

"Right. Because you will die if I do."

He pulled her close, which triggered a rush of adrenaline through his body. Flirting with danger was usually Ronan's thing. He raced with cars, talked back to authorities and went through the excruciating pain of getting his whole back inked. Gansey thought it was funny that he did not had to go this far to threaten his own life. Getting too close from Blue was enough.

"Gansey, don't."

No one moved. It felt like the Pig was on a cliff, and everyone expected a gust of wind to make it fall on either side. When a kiss' meaning was equal to death's, it did not seem like a big deal.

"Just let me pretend a bit longer."

Ronan gently pulled him, given he couldn't back away from Blue's face and she was too afraid to move. He ended up laying on her lap, wishing he had kissed her and left this unexplainable grief behind.

"I'm fine," he told no one in peculiar.

He wasn't in a bad mood after waking up. The day then went in a downwards spiral. Blue ran a hand through Gansey's hair. That she was allowed. Gansey caught her as she was going to pull away, and he left his hand between the soft strands. He didn't need much more, maybe because that was all he could get. Some sweetness to get over Adam's complicated mindset.

Soon, Noah and Ronan started to fool around again. He wondered why they couldn't just stay like that. Then he noticed there was a bit too much space left on the couch. He felt too comfortable laying down, Ronan took too much place and Noah didn't took enough. Someone went missing, and their name was Adam Parrish.

"I will get Adam to stay, someday. Somehow."

"Good luck with that," Ronan replied.

"He needs more space, that's all."

"Space. I agree, Noah, that's exactly what lacks here." Ronan's voice spelled scarcasm in capital letters. "No wonder why he prefers renting a cupboard in St Agnes."

"You got my point." Noah sighed. "In my opinion, both Gansey and you should get over it."

"Whatever. Let's stop talking about him," Ronan said. "It's not making things better."

Blue placed her hand on Gansey's forehead, keeping her touch as light as a feather. She gazed at Ronan.

"Maybe he'll stay, if you asked."

"He already gave up on his family for me. I can't ask for more."

That would be selfish. Even if Adam was probably better off without them, even if his parents failed him, they were family nonetheless. Ronan and Declan spent their time bickering yet they needed each other. Ronan understood how big Adam's sacrifice had been. There was always a dead end wherever they went. Adam would stay away, and that was it.

"You do not know how much he'd give for you," Noah noticed. "Just what you'd give for him."

"I know for a fact that he hates the idea of whatever he calls it, Gansey having his things gathered. Besides, I won't trust a ghost about such matters."

Noah looked hurt for a second. Then he waved it off, and his features remained neutral.

"I thought you'd knew, Ronan."

"About what ?"

Noah jumped off the couch. He did not want to leave like this but the ley line called him. He took his time to answer. Blue saw a ray of sunlight peeking through his chest as his transparency increased. Ronan bit the inside of his cheek. Adam and Noah left, the same day. Such a great way to end the week.

"Dead men tell no tales."

Noah's voice remained as he hummed on his way to the stairs. He had disappeared, too. Ronan flipped himself on the couch so that his head would lay on the armrest.

"Fucking awesome. I'm a third wheel now."

Few minutes passed, an hour maybe. Gansey's chest rose and fell at a slow, even pace. Ronan felt jealous of his inner peace. The peace he managed to find after a troubled morning.

He loved Adam too much for their own good. It was a double-sided knife. And right now, the sharp blade was merrily dancing in his chest. If only he knew, Ronan thought. Graduating from Aglionby did not wake the desire to set himself up for another five years of being a student in spite of Adam doing so. He didn't need to work anyway. He was already wealthy enough, as Blue and Adam pointed it out loud hours ago.

They barely heard the door creaking open. At this point, Ronan had left to take care of Chainsaw few times and had decided not to return to the couch. He wondered about what Gansey had been up to during the night. He still slept, and Blue did not want to wake him up. Unless he did not dealt well with the emotional turmoil. Someone knocked at his door. He sighed loudly.

"Not now."

He heard the knob moving and assumed the person on the other side had a death wish. Which he will indeed be glad to grant.

"I said not now !"

Neither did he knew who bothered him nor did he cared. He stood up to lock himself in once and for all, but the door was open already.

"I know, I just..."

Adam lost the end of his sentence. He had raised his hands, as if he was surrendering in front of Ronan's wrath. Ronan pulled him in, then closed the damn door.

"About time you came back."

"It took longer than expected."

Adam always remained evasive about what he did to make a living, aside from the car repairing. He sat on Ronan's bed.

"I noticed."

Adam felt stupid. If Ronan was able to read his mind, he would probably congratulate him for that. Ronan decided not to say anything about Gansey. He wasn't Noah. He'd keep inside whatever wasn't his to say. He stopped minding Chainsaw, which earnt him few angry caws.

"You're clean."

"I showered before coming."

Ronan felt better now. After all, Adam came back. But it was still nothing close to feeling peaceful. Chainsaw seem to echo his state of mind, continuously cackling for attention. Ronan placed it on the palm of his hand. The crow's agitation still did not stop. It flew in a corner of his room and hid above the cupboard. Ronan sighed. He was not in the mood to run after it.

"Why can't you stay ?"

"I could."

Adam was well-aware of the difference. It's not that he could not stay. Just that he did not want to. Ronan had promised himself to leave this talk between Adam and Gansey but he couldn't help. There were many ways to lie, and remaining quiet was one of them. And Ronan Lynch was not a liar.

"Then why do you plan on leaving ?"

There was a rightful accusation in Ronan's voice. He felt guilty.

"Work is too far from here, Ronan."

He received an unimpressed shrug in response. There was always a good reason not to stay. He wondered what caused Ronan to give up so easily. Maybe he just didn't want to waste time arguing, when time was exactly what they lacked. Their eyes met. Adam placed his hand on Ronan's cheek before he looked away.

"It's always by your rules, Parrish, isn't it ?"

Adam wasn't sure if he referred to a peculiar moment or life in general. Most likely both.

"Does it bothers you ?"

"Sometimes. But even Gansey surrendered and that's worth admiring, at least."

Adam felt as flustered as he was this morning. Only that the feeling got even stronger now.

"What about right now ?"

Ronan laughed at the hint of annoyance in his voice. Winding people up was a thing. Winding Adam up was another one.

"I can handle that."

He looked away as Adam attempted to claim his lips, confusing him a bit more.

"That said, I'm afraid we'll be playing by my rules for a moment," he said, giving Adam's hair a gentle tug.

"You've been teasing me since I woke up," he complained. "Blue even helped."

"My rules, Parrish."

He kissed the tip of Adam's nose. How cruel was that compared to what they keep dealing with because of him ? Perhaps just as much. Adam buried his face in the crook of his neck, blushing madly. Someone knocked at the door, startling them both. Adam wanted to reply, but Ronan chose this moment to surprise him with a gentle kiss.

"Ronan ? We'll be eating the pie in thirty minutes, if you want to join."

They heard Blue walking away. Adam gave up on making his presence obvious. His choice was made the moment Ronan's lips touched his. He waited for this. He deserved every single second of it.

Ronan gingerly messed with Adam's hair. His freedom of speech returned, but he didn't quite knew what to say.

"Asshole."

That's what he settled for. Ronan laughed more. He surprised Adam with another deep, heated kiss. Then pulled back before he had the time to fully enjoy it.

"That's unfair," Adam whined.

"Life is. You are, in your own way."

Ronan stood up without previous notice, leaving Adam in a state of utter confusion. Chainsaw decided that a pile of papers was a threat to her security and was picking on them.

"You're the worst."

He let himself fall on the mattress. Ronan hid the papers and opened the door for Chainsaw to wander away. He was definitely having fun. Adam could hardly tell what was the most annoying, probably the fact that he did not bother hiding it.

"Do you plan on driving me insane so that I won't be able to attend college ?"

He closed his eyes and listened to Ronan's laugh, as it did not happened often enough for anyone to be casual about it. Although it happened a lot today. He wanted to remember this sound as clearly as possible.

"Not a bad idea. Although you'd stay mad afterwards, right ?"

"Yeah, right."

Ronan's wording was right in every meaning. Education was important for him. It was the only way up aside from wealth. He opened his eyes, surprised by Ronan's weight on his hips. He weakly punched his chest.

"Get off me, idiot."

Ronan inverted their positions, leaving him at the top. He felt his heart beating as fast as possible without causing any clinic damages. His blood went to various places, including one in peculiar he did not wanted to wake seconds before joining everyone in the dining room.

"You stand up and walk away."

Adam heard the quiet _I dare you_. He had no idea where this game was leading them. He pinned Ronan's hands above his head before he could reach for his face. Even if the rules were not his, that game was still made for two. He did not realise how strong his grip was, and Ronan did not display any signs of experiencing pain.

"Do you think I am not able to ?"

He took a hold of himself — at least, what wasn't devoured by sinful thoughts — then stood up. Think of the less attractive thing in the world, he told himself. Bruises and spilled blood immediately came to his mind. That was not unattractive, it was triggering. He sighed, contemplating his inability to control his thoughts. He was past the point where he would still scold himself for that. Ronan sat, thoughtfully eyeing the marks Adam's grip left on his wrists. His heart sank to his feet as he also noticed them. He did this. He hurt Ronan with his own hands.

"Why didn't you say anything ?" he scolded Ronan.

"It'll be gone soon, just like you."

Adam crossed his arms on his chest. He was mad at himself for harming Ronan, at Ronan for not uttering a word, and at the world for allowing this to happen. He looked away as Ronan casually threw a sweater over his athletic shoulders.

"I'm not a fool, Parrish. I know that you're able to leave. You're always leaving."

Adam parted his lips, but Ronan did not left him the time to say something.

"You leave for pride then come back for love. I made my peace with it."

The long sleeves hid the bruises Adam had left on his skin. That didn't made the said person feel better.

"I did not meant to—"

"I knowingly tricked you into harming me and I take full responsibility for what happened. Alright ? Now build a bridge and get over it."

Adam allowed him to place an arm around his waist, as he did earlier in the kitchen. He partly understood Ronan's point. Even if the sweater's sleeves hid the red marks on Ronan's skin, he still saw them. And he kept thinking that regardless of Ronan's choices, they were still his doing.

"I haven't cried a river yet."

He did not want to become like his father. He shivered at the thought. Did his pride taking over his other feelings for a small moment meant he was able to hurt the people he loved on a daily basis ?

Ronan realised he had not thought of everything before helping Adam's pride to take over his rational mind. Adam physically harmed him, he got back at him on the mental side. Except that he never planned on doing that. Of course, Adam was different from his father. He mentally cursed himself for causing such a disaster.

"Let's just skip the crying part."

Adam felt like it happened a bit too fast. But even after replaying the scene in his head, he couldn't think of another ending. This is how pride left him. Twice as scarred. He wanted to apologize even though Ronan made it clear that he had been played. It was not his fault. Ronan nudged his shoulder, seeking a proof of consent. Adam waited few seconds before nodding. His neck received a smooth, apologizing kiss. Ronan was bad with words. And Adam will simply reject any further apologizes right after listening to them.

"Fine." This was weird, but definitely not something to cry over. "Consider yourself warned."

He slowly pushed Ronan away. Surprisingly, he did not encounter any resistance. Chainsaw hurtled back in the room, cawing loudly. Ronan raised his hand for her to land on it. Adam had already reached the door.

"I do not fucking care if you leave, as long as you bother coming back."

Ronan spoke without looking up. He stroked Chainsaw's wings, attempting to figure out the reason behind her restlessness. Adam turned around to look at him one last time before leaving. Ronan's eyes were cold as ice. Undecipherable, as usual.

"See you later."

Adam wasn't sure whether Ronan heard him, as Chainsaw kept flapping her wings and protesting against some unknown statement. Maybe she saw the papers again. He closed the door behind him. His hand lingered around the knob. It clicked and twitched as Ronan locked it from the inside. He turned away from the door and walked downstairs.

He didn't feel like explaining to the others what happened before making sure both Ronan and him have understood it themselves. But out of respect for Ronan, he didn't want to lie about it either.

Why did feelings made everything so complicated ?

When Gansey came at him, he felt the dangerous talk ahead and that was not what he needed right now.

"Can't we discuss it later ?"

His voice was strained. Gansey understood and stepped back. Adam knew that postponing this talk forever will do no good, but his head will explode if he had to argue with anyone else. He got to taste Blue's pie and that was as close to feeling better as he got that afternoon. Ronan stayed in his room. Being around just Gansey and Blue was fine. But they were in the mood for being affectionate towards each othe and restrained their urge because of him.

He washed his plate then left them alone to enjoy their relationship, which was probably the best thing to do. His feet bring him back in front of Ronan's room. He took a deep breath, then knocked. One of them had to be smart for both, sometimes. Ronan did not play dumb — thank God — and opened the door.

"Parrish."

Adam took a strong hold of himself. His mind was not allowed to wander until this was sorted out.

"How are your wrists ?"

Ronan finally stepped back to let him in. Adam entered the room, then closed the door.

"Answer me," he said.

Ronan rolled his eyes. The marks were merely visible now.

"They're fine. How are you ?"

Adam did not think about his answer twice. He started talking and the right word made it's way to his lips.

"I'm upset."

Ronan looked pained, at least.

"I said it wasn't your fault."

Upset was too weak to encompass all of what Adam felt. He was afraid of himself on Ronan's behalf. He was still mad at Ronan for getting on his bad side.

"Yeah." He shook his head with disbelief. "I guess it wasn't my father wasn't guilty either, at first. It's probably something that runs in the Parrish's blood. Can't be helped."

Ronan did not reply. All of his options were dead ends, he had to choose the less harmful one for Adam. A way which will not make even more wary of himself.

"That's fucking ridiculous."

"Don't you think it's hard for me too, Lynch ? Why do you have to make things even harder ?"

Of course, he'd rather be with them than working. He'd rather stare at Ronan than study. He felt like two different people, one arguing with Ronan and the other watching from the distance, knowing they will make up at some point. Ronan remained quiet, taking the blame.

"I messed up." He paused. "I did. What should I do to earn your forgiveness ?"

Adam wanted Ronan to do more than acknowledging his wrongness. Ronan hurt him by using his pride. Unwillingly, but he did. A weapon which Adam had no idea how to get rid of or disarm. He was not cruel but wanted Ronan to fully understand how bad the situation was. Gansey would have brushed it off like it was nothing. But he was not Gansey, and Ronan will clean up his own mess.

"Say it again."

Ronan furrowed his brows.

"What ?"

"Apologize. Ask for forgiveness and _maybe_ I will give it to you," Adam said with gritted teeth.

Ronan already earnt half of it for acknowledging his fault twice. But Adam Parrish does not give by half. It was all or nothing. He will forgive him anyway. The 'maybe' part was his personal revenge.

If Ronan got it right, Adam wanted him to beg. He was genuinely sorry. But putting it into words was a different story. He was not sure he even remembered how to apologize.

"I'm sorry," he started.

And he was stating it out loud because it was Parrish and he was willing go sacrifice his own pride to keep him. Ronan Lynch was not a liar. But the truth itself was not enough on this case. Adam stood still, listening. It had been faster than expected. Ronan's feelings for him truly were that strong. Ronan cleared his throat, attempting to catch the memory of what a proper apology sound like.

"I apologize for tricking you into harming me. I apologize for making you upset."

The words felt heavy in his mouth. But it got easier as he kept talking, even though Adam showed no emotion. He wondered if there was something else he should feel sorry for. Probably, but most of them were unrelated to this argument. The hardest part was yet to come.

Thinking of it, apologizing was not a great deal. He now had to ask for forgiveness and pray for Adam to give it to him. He did not even want to wonder about what will happen if his request was rejected.

He parted his lips, but his voice remained trapped inside. Come on, he told himself. Just say the damn words.

"Please."

Adam will really let him go all the way. It was close from physically paining him. He looked away, shame heating his cheeks.

"If you look elsewhere while talking, Lynch, your words will lose their value."

 _Lynch_. A cold shiver ran down his spine. He stopped clenching his fists and his eyes met Adam's again. The ice in his cerulean eyes melt.

"Please, forgive me."

Each plea felt like another knife he stabbed himself with. Adam did not enjoy forcing him through such pain. It was necessary, in his opinion. The Gansey way was not suitable for all errors. He still did not say anything. Ronan slowly sunk on his knees, not breaking the eye contact. Adam said his words will lose their weight if he didn't keep looking at him, but Ronan was convinced it applied to the actions too. Parrish simply thought he would not get past words and narrowed his warning to them.

"Forgive me, Adam." His voice softened when he said the name. "I beg you."

He closed his eyes and bowed his head, waiting for Adam's decision. He was done talking. He knew Adam hated it as much as he did. Each second he spent waiting felt like an eternity. He wondered how much time did he spent talking. A bit more than five minutes, with all the struggling. His heart started racing in his chest as nothing happened and he was tempted to open his eyes. He felt incredibly nervous.

Adam knelt in front of him. They were equals, even if Ronan lowered himself to make up for his mess. He did a great job at cleaning. Adam was incredibly proud of him. He allowed his features to show some emotion again and stopped restraining his thoughts. He gently pushed Ronan's chin up, getting rid of his submissive attitude. Ronan swallowed anxiously. The argument was over.

"You are forgiven."

He wiped Ronan's cheeks. The boy was relieved beyond words but this was not the only reason behind his tears. Adam found himself trapped in Ronan's embrace as soon as they both stood on their feet.

As his mind was allowed to wander, he thought he wouldn't be against seeing more of this submissive side of Ronan, minus the grief.

"Stop grinning like an idiot," Ronan breathed against his cheek.

"You'd do the same if you knew what I was thinking about."

"Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess ?"

Adam leaned in. Ronan did not dare to kiss him yet. He was afraid that Adam was still holding a grudge against him.

" _Ronan._ "

Adam Parrish did not gave by half. He was fully forgiven. This time, he was happy to oblige. After this hectic day, Adam was on bliss. He even forgot about Gansey and their postponed talk.

" _Adam._ "

His name was said like a breathless echo. It sounded right. Like Ronan and Adam were one and the same.

"I was thinking that you look good on your knees."

"You won't get used to the sight."

"I have other ways to make you beg," he threatened weakly.

"You won't get used to that either."

Adam knew he would, whether it happened in Ronan's room or his own.

"Think Blue and Gansey are done making out ?"

Ronan laughed.

"Bet they haven't started yet. Why ?"

"Gansey wanted to talk to me."

"Forget about that."

"Why ?"

"He'll see both of us grinning like fucking idiots and won't stick to his plan."

Adam buried his head in Ronan's neck, feeling a bit dizzy. Mostly high on love.

"I can't help. Even though I did not enjoy it back then..."

Ronan knew Adam will see more of it during the next days. He had a feeling.

"I deserved it."

"Indeed. I shouldn't feel guilty about it."

"Asshole."

They laughed. If they really wished to investigate this, a lot of talking will ensue. Adam thought he had enough of it for now.

"Now, what should we do ?"

"Let's walk on Gansey and Sargent not making out. He wanted to talk to you, right ?"

"Think they haven't started yet ?"

"We'd better hurry. Sargent is mostly taking care of the matter."

Adam did not know how serious Ronan was about this. They kept holding hands while walking out of the room.

"Stop grinning, Adam. You look like a fucking idiot."

He was pleased by the fact Ronan kept using his first name. Enough not to take offence.

"I only look like one. You _are_ a fucking idiot, Ronan."

His accent made the curse so damn attractive in Ronan's opinion. He was also pleased, even though Adam barely called him 'Lynch'. It was quite frightening when he did. He did not took offence either.

"I hear them," Ronan said as they approached the living room. "Bet they're still discussing whether Sargent's lips can safely touch any other area than his own."

"Bet they're discussing the semantics of 'kiss'," Adam retorted.

"More kneeling for the loser."

Adam squeezed his hand.

"Fine by me."

**Author's Note:**

> Who won the bet, in your opinion ? ;)


End file.
